New Perspective

I turned a corner today. Gained a much needed new perspective about one of the most important friendships I have ever had.

I just decided that I refuse, absolutely, stubbornly, adamantly, without a doubt, completely refuse to let this friendship dissolve. I refuse to repeat the past. I refuse to sit back and do nothing and let one of my closest friends dissipate into a distant memory.

For some reason I couldn't stop thinking about the Rachel and Mary Debacle of freshman year this weekend. This 'thing' has a tendency to sneak up on me without warning and just latch into my subconscious. And then it'll disappear for a couple months or so, only to resurface at a random, completely undetermined time. But this weekend, I wrestled with the situation with Rachel--what I did, what I didn't do. And at the end of it, I have to suck it up and admit that I just didn't fight hard enough. I hate to have regrets because they are completely pointless and counter productive, but the dissolution of Rachel and I's friendship is on the top of my list. But what is done is done, the only thing I can do about the situation now is to not let it happen again.

I went through my stages--anger, bitterness, stubbornness. And I end at perspective. My friendship with Annie is not a disposable plastic fork. It is made of the truest stuff--faith, understanding, respect, laughter, bagels, burned cds and so many other things. And I refuse to give that up. Ever.