Sometimes I just feel torn. Torn between the two separate worlds that I currently inhabit. The toughest part is I feel that I selfishly cast myself into these two separate, distinct worlds.
On one hand, I have my life out here in Seattle. Something that I've honestly thought about and worked towards since I first visited this city when I was a fifth grader. It's so great to be able to live in a place that continues to impress it's beauty upon you on a daily basis. I'm discovering new places, new hobbies, new ways to throw paint on my canvas of life. And unfortunately, I don't think that I'd be able to do this back home in Montana. So I feel that by choosing to live in Seattle and not Billings, I'm essentially choosing myself over my family.
On the other hand, I could very well be living back in Billings. I would be close to my entire family, specifically my parents. One of the greatest difficulties of living so far from home is being apart from them. But by choosing to be close to them, I forfeit my ability to be in a place that I love, working with a company that I respect and admire and generally enjoying the cultural things that come along with living in metropolitan area. But overall, not being 100% happy living in that place. I couldn't wait to graduate and get out of there, so I can't imagine what it would be like to go back now.
It's a lose/lose situation and I'm constantly torn about it. Who am I to venture to a city where I know very few people, to try and turn my given 'country mouse' upbringing into a 'city mouse' life?
But then again, who am I not to?
It's a vicious cycle!
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