25

i'm only 25 years old. but when i examine the person that has filled those 25 years, i've found that i've been so many different people. i am 25 years old, but sometimes i feel like i've been 25 different people. i look back at who i was a 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago and i'm different at every single moment. as much as i wish i could say that i've been getting progressively 'better', like a fine wine, i can't. no doubt i've changed as a person. as a daughter. a sister. a friend--that much i know. sometimes it's been for the better, sometimes it hasn't. i know i've posted about change and i understand that the only thing constant is change, so this shouldn't come as a shock to me. but it does. i look at the girl i was in middle school and i cringe. the jennifer in high school was a girl who i'm not even sure i knew, now or even then. college could definitely be divided into a different person every year--ranging from a fresh-faced, hopeful freshman, to a jaded and angry sophomore, to a revitalized junior and finally a terrified, but content senior. and even in the short time i've lived out here in seattle, i've seen myself grow and change, even as difficult as its been. it's a day by day process for me. one day i am filled with hope and determination, the next i dash my confidence with flooding thoughts of doubt and confusion. i truly am my own worst enemy!
for all this change, i do hope there have been a few things that i've carried with me. and by carried i mean that the years and experiences have allowed them to mature and come to fruition--things like loyalty, integrity, compassion, conviction and the capacity to love. and i hope that i continue to carry them with me throughout the years that are yet to come so they can continue to develop. i need to understand that without change there is no growth and without growth there is no change.